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Is it really worth it?
I have to stop and ask myself from time to time, is it really worth it? I’ve lived my whole life as a so-called “Christian.” I’ve tried to follow Him and I’ve tried to do what is right. It gets hard at times. It’s not always easy being a Christian. What keeps me going? What makes me want to keep pressing on?
My heart beats to worship Him. I say that because everything within me longs to be in His presence. Even when I’m at my weakest, and my flesh wants nothing to do with Him, inside there’s that still small voice calling me back to Him. I’ve tried to run. I’ve tried to hide. But how can I escape from God’s eyes? It’s foolishness to even try. The farther I got away, the louder His voice called out to me. But even in those times when I was running from God, in my darkest hours, God was always there. Even when I didn’t want to hear about God, when I tried to drown out His voice with anything else I could find, He somehow was louder in my thoughts.
It’s miserable being a “backslider.” It’s got to be the worst feeling in the world to know about God’s saving grace, but still yet denying His power in your own life. I’ve been there. It hurt so bad. I’d want to sing and play guitar, but I couldn’t because all I really know are songs that glorify Him. There was a time when I wanted to do nothing to do with church anymore. I had been away for so long that I was ashamed to go back. In my mind, I had failed my Pastor, my church, my worship leader and I couldn’t bear to face them, so I stayed away.
I found myself on Sunday mornings longing to go back to church, knowing in my heart that’s where I was supposed to be, but my own pride held me back. What would people say? What would they think? I would watch other preachers on the TV, but when you’re called to a certain ministry, a certain church, there’s no substitute for where you’re supposed to be. Everything inside of me longed to be back where I belonged. It wasn’t until I put down my own foolish pride and went back to church that God began using me again.
In my life, I’ve seen miracles. I’ve seen healings and deliverances. I’ve seen drug addicts delivered on the spot. I’ve seen cold-blooded murderers weep in the presence of God. I’ve seen broken marriages made whole. I’ve seen prostitutes made clean and beggars made rich, the blind to see and the lame to walk. I’ve seen “treasures out of darkness” (Isaiah 45:2-3). I’ve seen God’s miracle working power time and time again. How could I ever be in a place that I would deny His power? He’s done so much for me. He’s done miracles in my own life. I know that I wouldn’t be writing this column today if it wasn’t for His saving grace.
So the question is: IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? My answer is YES!!!!! I cannot deny God’s power. I’ve seen too much, been through too much. My God has always provided and He has always been there for me. He always comes through. I lay my life down for the cause. Not for a religion. Not for a ministry. Not for my own gain, but for Christ, my Lord and Savior, Jesus who laid down His own life so that I might live.
When times get tough, and you feel like giving up, just know that He is always there. It is worth it. Continue to fight the good fight. Continue to run that race to win.
w/muchluv,
geno
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